Ahhh…There’s No Place Like Home

After being away from home for about a week, we all love that coming home feeling.  After being in the hospital for about a week or so, Tami was beyond excited to be coming home, especially to her own bed.  Tami and I moved to the apartments at Portola Place in February 2008.  It was in a beautiful community on the outskirts of Irvine, near the foothills.  There was always a beautiful view across OC and out to Catalina on a clear day.  On a cold winter day after the rain, you might catch a glimpse of snow on Saddleback Mountain as well.  She loved listening to the birds and the coyotes.  She loved to sit on the patio/balcony reading her paper, drinking her coffee, while the sun delivered some much needed Vitamin D.  She loved to take walks around the community.  It was almost a daily occurrence.  While on our walks, we would always be amused by the flocks of birds and their behavior.  For those of you who are Pixar Shorts fans, remember For the Birds?  Well, on one of our walks, a flock of birds were sitting on the electrical wires and we just watched.  It was cracking us up as birds would jockey for position and jump from one wire to another.  If only we knew what they were thinking.  That same evening, the whole flock left the wire at once, buzzed our heads and landed in the Eucalyptus trees a couple blocks away.  Every evening after that we looked for those birds.  We’d catch a beautiful rainbow every now and then.  She took tons of sunset pictures off of our balcony.  The walls were covered with her incredible photographs.  

To her, our home was peaceful, welcoming, warm, loving, and a reflection of who we were.  It was so nice that we actually had the same taste in colors, furniture, accents, etc.  She enjoyed picking out everything from the dining room table, to rugs, to picture frames.  Sometimes she was like a kid in the candy store, but one thing is for sure, we created an environment we both wanted to come home to.  Home is where you are accepted and loved for who you are, not who should be.  Home is where you can let down your guard and be vulnerable and emotional.  Home is where you are safe.  Home is where you create heartfelt, lifelong memories with family and friends, like Tuesday night dinner's with the kids.  Home is where your heart is and longs to be.  I am so thankful that our Home was all she wanted it to be…even to the point of breathing her last there.

Removing the Cancer

Well, the surgeon came to talk to Tami in the ER that night and explained how he was going to do the surgery and that he had done this kind of surgery many, many times before.  She questioned how they know it is cancer without any further testing, or proof.  He responded to her, “if it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walks likes a duck, it’s a duck.”  He pulled out his I-phone and showed her a video of himself doing the surgery he would be doing on her.  Personally, I thought that was kind of arrogant and bad timing.  He decided to do the surgery laparoscopically as the scans did not show any evidence of further spread at this time.  She was admitted to the hospital for what would be the first of many hated hospital stays.  She was given a room in an overflow wing of the Kaiser facility in Irvine as the hospital was full.  Her room was weird, no couch, or bed for guests….no private bathroom, just a toilet thing in the back of the room.  I know she didn’t want to be there alone and it was hard to go home each night…but she once again showed her strength and courage.

The first order of business was to prep for a colonoscopy so they could get a closer look at the tumor and take a biopsy.  As she was already having difficulty with her bowels, this task was sure to be painful and daunting.  The morning of surgery came, and she was so strong and courageous.  Ashley was there with us and was able to go with her mom to the prep room.  It was a long anxious morning for those of us waiting for her to come out of surgery.  The doctor came out and said the surgery went well.  He talked about the tumor – its size, location, and that it had broken the muscle wall, BUT he insisted he GOT IT ALL.  He was able to remove the part of the colon that needed to be removed and re-attach it so she would not need a colostomy bag.  We were all thrilled and relieved.  There were lymph nodes involved, so this meant meeting with an Oncologist and discussing treatment options, most likely chemotherapy.  Had we known then what “breaking through the muscle wall” meant, we would have asked more questions and challenged the surgeon more.  The fact that that tumor had broken through the muscle wall was not such a good thing.  We found out later through much of our own research that there could have been a chance the cancer seeded her abdomen.  The surgeon did not talk to us about that.  He just acted as if he got everything and chemo was just a precaution.  We did know that Tami would be very excited about not waking up to a colostomy bag.  It was her worst nightmare, well besides being diagnosed with cancer.  

You Are Not Alone

What began as a normal week in February of 2009, quickly became the most shocking, devastating, heartbreaking week of our 10-year friendship.  Tami had been feeling quite ill and experiencing a tremendous amount of abdominal pain.  We went to Kaiser’s Urgent Care and they treated her for constipation and sent her home to drink some icky tasting stuff, the first of many, many more.  She followed the doctor’s orders, but it only brought about more cramping and pain, with no results.  The next night we ended up at the Kaiser ER, where they continued to treat her for constipation and sent her home.  I came home the next day from work and she was laying on the bathroom floor in excruciating pain.  I got her to the car and took her back to the ER.  This time, after explaining the last 3 days, the doctor decided to do a CT Scan.  While waiting for the scan and results, the doctor gave her Morphine…she had found a new best friend :-)

Several hours later, the ER doctor came back to the room and said that she had a tumor about 2.7 cm big surrounding her colon and that it was most likely cancer.  The surgeon would be coming to talk to her and she would be admitted to the hospital.  We looked at each other with this look of disbelief on our faces.  I can only imagine what she was thinking and feeling, as my heart just broke for her.  All I could think was, “After all she has been through in this life, cancer too.”  With each heartbreaking phone call made to her parents and her kids, I began to weep.  I grabbed her hand and told her that whatever was to come, however hard it might be, she would not be alone.  I would be there every step of the way. 

This reminds me of the story of Ruth and Naomi in the book of Ruth.  They portrayed beautiful examples of loyalty, friendship and commitment to each other and to God.  Naomi told her daughters-in-law to return to their mother’s house as there was nothing more she could offer them and they had been through enough with her.  Ruth clung to Naomi and refused to go.  Ruth said, “Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.  Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried.  The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me.”  In his book On the Anvil, Max Lucado writes, “Happy are those who have one companion, one relationship that is not based on looks or performance.  Every person is in need of at least one faithful friend, who will look her in the eyes and say, ‘I will never leave you.  The years may be cruel and the times may be hard, but I’ll be here.  I will never leave you’.”  I know in my heart, that if the roles were reversed, and I was the one with cancer, my best friend would have done the same for me.  Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to be a “Ruth” to Tami, it has forever changed my life.

On Being a Servant of God

This was the first book Tami gave to me when I started working at Calvary as a leader in Ministry.  It is a fabulous book written by Warren Wiersbe.  After reading this book and working alongside of Tami, I began to understand her close intimate relationship with the Lord and why she so freely gave grace, mercy, forgiveness and love to all.  The premise of the book is that “Ministry happens when divine resources meet human needs through loving channels to the glory of God.”  Tami did just that at church, in ministry, in leadership, at home, with her kids, with her friends and family, etc. 

She truly believed, and lived, that we are channels of God’s grace, love, forgiveness and mercy to others.  She was never too busy to pray with someone in need.  She was never too busy to write/send notes of thanks and encouragement to others.  She was never too busy to meet a need that was brought to her attention, no matter how big or small.  She lived a life of compassion, integrity, honesty, forgiveness, mercy, grace and unconditional love.

These are things people who served with her had to say about her:

Dearest Tami, it has been such a joy and privilege to work under you!  We have grown to admire, respect and love you dearly!  You such a wonderful encourager, that we felt a real sense of value on your team.  Thank you – We are so grateful for this time with you and our array of kids in A101!.

Dear Tami, thank you for all you are and all you do because of Jesus.  You are so encouraging.

Dear Tami, I consider it such a privilege and a blessing to work with you.  Thank you for your sweet, patient way of serving.  Thank you for all the support and encouragement you give.  Thank you, too, for your gift!

Dear Tami, words could never express the appreciation I have for all you have done for me.  The care packages, food, visits and calls were the most generous display of love I have ever received.  I feel honored to have you as a friend and thank God that he has brought you into my life.  What a true friend you are and such an inspiration to me and my family. 

These are just a few of over 100 cards/notes she was given expressing people’s gratitude for her, her example, her care and her love.  Even in the midst of her own pain, suffering, and illness, she continued to reach out to others and be there for her volunteers.  With a chemo pump attached to her, she showed up on Sunday mornings and did special events such as Light the Night…On Being a Servant of God…just look at her life.  I am convinced that as she entered paradise, she was welcomed with open arms and the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Girls Just Want To Have Fun!!!

Vegas. Crepes. Massages. San Diego. Hot Fudge Sundaes. San Francisco. Ghirardelli. Sunsets. Waves. Sea Gulls. Outlets. Starbucks. Chocolate Martini's. Monterey. Hwy 1. Lake Tahoe. Auburn. Florida. Disney World. Disneyland. Soarin' Over California. Tower of Terror. California Screaming. Holiday Parties with Mickey. Cruise to Mexico. Day trips to Malibu, Pasadena, Huntington Library, Beverly Hills, Santa Barbara. The Getty Museum. The Villa Getty in Malibu. Napa. Mendocino. Caspar Beach. Palm Springs. Palm Desert. Celine. Elton. Mama Mia. Phantom. Women of Faith. Angel's Games. Walks around the lake. Movies. Walking the dogs. Drives along the coast. Dinner on the beach at sunset. Fashion Island. Utah. Photography. Laughing til we cried. 

"The Lone Ranger and Tonto; Laurel and Hardy; Batman and Robin; it was Snoopy and Charlie. Friends through thick and thin. Friends to the very end, I think you would agree that's how it is with you and me. I want you to know I need you. I want you to know it's true. There's no, no, no, no way I would make it without you. It's so good to know, I've got a friend like you. Through all of the laughter and tears. Through all of the questions and fears. Through all of the winning, losing and trying...I will be by your side, cause you and I are friends for life." - Friend Like You by Geoff Moore.

Have fun, we most certainly did!

Unexpected Friends

Tami and I met 12.5 years ago when I started working at Calvary Church, where she worked.  Although 15 years separated us, we quickly developed a kinship, a sisterhood...the kind of friendship that touches the depths of your soul.  We openly shared our hurts and our struggles and we found in the friendship we shared the kind of grace, hope, belief and unconditional love that only God could provide.  She was struggling with an abusive marriage and I was struggling to find myself and an intimate relationship with my Lord and Savior.  We both struggled with self-worth and self-esteem, yet found meaning and purpose in our friendship and common search for intimacy with the Lord.

Over the course of our friendship we learned the true meaning of joy and happiness, and it had little to do with money, status, position and prestige.  We found it in travel, photography, honesty, acceptance, reaching out to others, supporting each other's hopes and dreams, etc.  With a camera in hand, she captured the beauty of nature in ways most of us miss.  There were times of laughter and tears, joy and sadness, fear and victory, and many wonderful memories made that will be cherished always.  We might have been unexpected friends in the world's eyes, but we were not unexpected friends in God's eyes.  He brought the two of us together for such a time as this...and so begins The Ultimate Journey.