The first "First" without you came at Thanksgiving last year. My mom stayed with me through Thanksgiving and we cooked at our house, just like we had planned. The day after Thanksgiving we went to your parents house to have Thanksgiving with your family. We gave your kids the letters you wrote them with their baby pictures in the background. We also gave them each a copy of your grateful list. It amazed us all how you found so much to be grateful for in the midst of such suffering. You were a huge inspiration to me every day.
The second "First" without you was Justin's birthday, December 3. He was up North with my folks and they had a dinner for him with friends, but I know that it wasn't the same for him. You always made them their favorite meal, and angel food cake. You also always found just the right present for them that they had been wanting forever.
The third "First" without you came at Christmas last year. I stayed down the south to be with your kids and your family, then Ashley and I came up North for a week with my parents and Justin. On Christmas morning, the five kids came over the apartment and opened their stockings, just like they would have done with you. I had picked up funny things you would have found and continued your tradition of giving the boys character boxers. I also made photo calendars for each of them (and the rest of the family) with both pictures you took and pictures of you. Then I went to Donna & Eddie's to celebrate with your family. No matter how hard we tried, there was a huge void, you were missing.
The fourth "First" without you came at New Year's. I found myself remembering all the New Year's Eves we had spent, either at Disneyland, out to a nice dinner and then home, or just at home watching the specials on TV. Those memories will be forever in my heart. Then New Year's Day, Ashley and I were joking that you were probably watching the parade from the best seats in the house. I remember us going to look at the floats one year after the parade and what a zoo it was, worse than peak season at Disneyland!
The fifth "First" came in March when Ashley had a birthday on the 15th. She went to Sea World with Kevin, Kathleen and Andrea and had a great time. I cooked for her and Kevin one night, just like you would have. I even tried making an angel food cake, but I had just moved and didn't know how long I had to wait for my very old oven to turn on , so I gave her the cake mix to take home and bake. Again, we all tried to make it a great birthday for her, but you were missing. You could never be replaced.
The sixth "First" came in June, when Danielle graduated high school. What a day to celebrate. She had been through so much during high school and it was such a challenge for her, but she did it! I sat alone in the bleachers thinking about you the whole time, sobbing, as I knew there was nowhere else you would rather be than watching her graduate that day. I know that you were so very proud of her on that day.
The seventh "First" came in July, when Danielle turned 19. She celebrated with her friends. I did not get to see her or make dinner for her, but I know there was a part of her missing you, your dinner, your angel food cake and that once in a lifetime gift you had a knack for finding.
The eighth "First" came in July as well, when Ashley and Kevin got engaged. They were up at Caspar Beach for the weekend, staying in mom and dad's beach trailer. They walked out to the lighthouse you so beautifully photographed, at sunset and he proposed to her. The ring is absolutely beautiful, and I know she was excited beyond measure, but I also know her heart must have sunk as you would have been the first person she called to tell.
The ninth "First" also came in July when Ashley found her wedding dress. Another moment I know you lived for and would have given anything to be there for. She looked absolutely stunning in it. Can't wait to see it on her on her big day in October.
The tenth "First" came in August, your birthday, on the 18th. I spent the week on vacation with my folks in Auburn. We golfed on your birthday, and at the end of the second hole, a hummingbird was sitting on a wire fence, singing at the top of its lungs. Even though I got closer, it didn't stop, it didn't move or fly away. It even stayed still for a picture. I told myself, that had to have been you :-) You loved hummers :-) And, mom and I were in desperate need of some help with our swings. I spent the day remembering everything we had done for your birthday...San Francisco, Auburn, Celine, Caspar Beach, etc. Going to dinner at Roy's, Wild Fish and other favorite places. Oh, how I missed you today and the friendship we shared for 12 years. There were times we even celebrated your birthday with mom's, as hers is the day after yours. Last night we went to dinner at Ruth's Chris, mom, Woody and I to celebrate her birthday. There was an empty chair at our table and it felt as if you were there with us like always. On our way home we picked up a bottle of Bailey's and toasted to you when we got home. Oh, how you are missed.
There were several other birthdays that came and went, like Donna's, your dad's and Eddie's. Each one a first celebration without you.
I could go on and on about all of the little things that happen each day that are "Firsts" I cannot share with you in person, but I know each day as I write to you or talk to you, you are a part of it. Happy Birthday, my dear friend, I hope it was the best ever as you celebrated in the presence of the Lord.
