A Letter to My Best Friend

Dear Tami,

It is December 31, 2011 and we are on the brink of a new year.  The last 13 months without you have not only flown by but have brought with them joys, sorrows, challenges, hard decisions, eye opening experiences, open doors, closed doors, and immense growth and healing.  I still remember, like yesterday, our last week together.  I will always cherish the conversations shared, the laughter, the prayers, the tears, and the memories.  The day we said goodbye, my heart broke.  There was still so much life we wanted to live, vacations we wanted to take, and dreams we wanted to realize.  Strolling Paris at night, sipping coffee during the day, photographing everything in sight.  Cruising Alaska, seeing the Orcas and some of the most beautiful scenery around.  Taking that trip to Canada and doing all the things you didn't get to do the last time you were there.  Turning your passion for photography into your own business, TamiS Photography.  Our list was so much longer, but these were at the top.  The list of things we did get to do together is so much longer, and I am grateful for all of those memories.

What you gave me in the 12 years we were friends is priceless.  You came into my life when I was broken and searching.  You accepted me as I was, yet cared enough to show me that I didn't have to stay broken.  You took my hand and led me down the path to healing and wholeness.  You were my cheerleader. You were my encourager.  You were my guide.  Little did we know that we would find in each other a kinship, a sisterhood, a bond that could not easily be broken.  We balanced each other out.  You taught me how to accept everyone as they are, to love unconditionally, to forgive always, to practice selflessness, and to have faith, even as small as a mustard seed.  As I watched you battle for your life, I was humbled and moved by your faith, belief, gratefulness, determination, acceptance, grace, forgiveness, and hope.  Again, priceless lessons about life and how to live it.

I want you to know that I have been blessed with phenomenal friends, family and grief support group.  I would not be where I am today without them.  Family includes your family as well.  I am finally making some much needed changes, kinda like you did when you realized certain things in life just weren't worth the emotional cost.  You have inspired me to make my dreams a reality and I am on my way to doing so.  You would love this next chapter of my life, and I would have loved to share it with you.  Each day has its ups and downs and there are so many things that happen that I wish I could tell you about.  For instance, tonight I went to see Midnight in Paris with Cheryl.  The whole time, all I could think about was the trip we wanted to take and how we would have loved strolling the streets, viewing the Eiffel Tower, sipping coffee, etc.  But more than that, the message of the movie was so "you".  The movie exemplified the difference between living a mediocre life one feels trapped in, and living out your dreams and what you are passionate about.  It was so good to see you live out your dreams and passion for what time you had left.  You will always be in my heart as the footprints left there are permanent.  Cheers to a new year full of triumphs, victories, change, realization of dreams, continued to growth and healing, and the continued sharing of your journey and legacy.  Happy 2012! 

The Holidays...dread them or celebrate them?

Tami passed November 19, 2010, the week before Thanksgiving.  We postponed the service until after Thanksgiving.  Her family and I continued with plans as normal, for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It was evident that someone was missing every time we got together.  We all did our best to keep our composure and get through.  When Christmas came, her kids and I decided to do Christmas morning the same.  So the kids came over to what was their mother's house, exchanged stockings, had breakfast...I gave them their gifts and then they went to other family member's homes throughout the day.  I kept their mom's tradition of getting them funny gifts for their stockings and getting the boys their boxers.  


As I look back on last year now, I think we were all still in shock.  Shock has a way of protecting us.  I found myself on "auto-pilot" quite a bit.  WebMD defines shock as a state of profound mental and physical depression consequent to severe physical injury or to emotional disturbance.  Shock kept me from falling apart last year.  But, so did my family and friends who were always one step ahead of me, ready to be and give whatever I needed.  Leaning on them made a huge difference.  Where would we be without those who truly care about us?   


But, this year...it is different.  A year has gone by without her here.  Should we continue to dread those family get togethers or find a way to celebrate them, keeping her memory alive?  Last year, we all started a new tradition of going to dinner, Fashion Island to see the tree, and Roger's Gardens (all favorites of Tami's), and this year we did it again.  I am going to continue to choose to find a way to celebrate the holidays and other special occasions and keep her memory alive.  If there is one thing I know about Tami, she would want each of us to go on living, not dreading.  She would want us to make new memories and start new traditions.  She would want us to fulfill our hopes and dreams...and in doing so, we keep her memory alive.  So this holiday season, if you are missing a loved one and are dreading the holidays, ask yourself what would that loved one truly want for you, and take a step closer to celebrating together as family/friends.