The Holidays...dread them or celebrate them?

Tami passed November 19, 2010, the week before Thanksgiving.  We postponed the service until after Thanksgiving.  Her family and I continued with plans as normal, for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It was evident that someone was missing every time we got together.  We all did our best to keep our composure and get through.  When Christmas came, her kids and I decided to do Christmas morning the same.  So the kids came over to what was their mother's house, exchanged stockings, had breakfast...I gave them their gifts and then they went to other family member's homes throughout the day.  I kept their mom's tradition of getting them funny gifts for their stockings and getting the boys their boxers.  


As I look back on last year now, I think we were all still in shock.  Shock has a way of protecting us.  I found myself on "auto-pilot" quite a bit.  WebMD defines shock as a state of profound mental and physical depression consequent to severe physical injury or to emotional disturbance.  Shock kept me from falling apart last year.  But, so did my family and friends who were always one step ahead of me, ready to be and give whatever I needed.  Leaning on them made a huge difference.  Where would we be without those who truly care about us?   


But, this year...it is different.  A year has gone by without her here.  Should we continue to dread those family get togethers or find a way to celebrate them, keeping her memory alive?  Last year, we all started a new tradition of going to dinner, Fashion Island to see the tree, and Roger's Gardens (all favorites of Tami's), and this year we did it again.  I am going to continue to choose to find a way to celebrate the holidays and other special occasions and keep her memory alive.  If there is one thing I know about Tami, she would want each of us to go on living, not dreading.  She would want us to make new memories and start new traditions.  She would want us to fulfill our hopes and dreams...and in doing so, we keep her memory alive.  So this holiday season, if you are missing a loved one and are dreading the holidays, ask yourself what would that loved one truly want for you, and take a step closer to celebrating together as family/friends.