The Caregiver - A Bridge Over Troubled Water

I love music.  I love the meaning certain songs convey.  One of my favorite songs has always been "Bridge Over Troubled Water".  My favorite version of the song belongs to Il Divo.  Their voices are like heaven to me.  As I listened to this version of the song while Tami was ill, it seriously brought to light a whole new meaning for me.

When you're weary, feeling small; when tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all.
I'm on  your side when times get rough, and friends just can't be found.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

When you're down and out, when you're on the street.
When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you.
I'll take your part, when darkness comes, and pain is all around.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

Sail on silver girl, sail on by.
Your time has come to shine, all your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine, if you need a friend, I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind.

Feeling weary and small.  Tears.  Rough times.  Friends can't be found.  Feeling down and out.  Evening falling hard.  Darkness and pain.  Sailing troubled water was a constant feeling that Tami had.  She felt as though she could never catch a break.  Nothing but bad news, bad side effects, difficult relationships, feeling alone, feeling defeated, facing the reality that her life may be over sooner than she wanted/expected.  How does one face this alone?

I was honored to be her best friend, her roommate and thus her caregiver.  The caregiver helps dry the tears, lays themselves down, is the constant friend and companion.  The caregiver comforts and shares in the pain, anguish and sorrow, and takes the hard part as well.  The caregiver helps to make dreams come true.  The caregiver sails right behind, and eases their mind.  I can say that I was able to do all of this and much more for her.  We cried together many times.  We prayed together.  We researched together.  We confronted together.  We celebrated together.  We laughed together.  She always found something to be hopeful about, even in her final days.  Her journey, her fight, her faith, her strength, her resilience, her patients, her mercy, her life will forever be an inspiration to me.

For those of you who are currently caregiving, yes it is exhausting, yes it is hard and often painful.  But you are the BRIDGE over the troubled water.  You are the ROCK that provides stability and consistency.  You are the SHIP sailing behind encouraging, yet ready to pick them up when they fall.  You are the BLESSING put in the life of one suffering for a reason.  Just as much for you as for them.  May your journey be as life changing and rewarding as mine.  Even though the outcome was not what I wanted or hoped for, that chapter was a part of my life for a reason.  Find a support group or a team of people who can support you as the caregiver.  Don't forget to take care of you too.

What helps me cope?

This is a common question asked of someone who has lost someone very close to them, a loved one.  So, here is what helps me cope.

Talking about her and the things we did together.
Celebrating her life, her example, her legacy.
Going to our favorite places (bench at CDM, Disneyland, Fashion Island, etc).
Writing this blog.
Finding a way to make a difference in the lives of others, especially those battling cancer.
Creating a Non-Profit that will minister to and help patients and families.
Directing OC's Get Your Rear In Gear 5K that raises awareness for screening for Colon Cancer.
Looking to my faith in Jesus Christ to heal my broken heart.
Spending time with friends and family.
Walks around the lake I live near, or along the beach.
Taking a drive, listening to music.
Doing her favorite things with friends and family.
Believing that she would want me and all of us to go on living life to its fullest.
Staying connected with her kids.

It is possible to cope with immense loss and pain in positive ways.  Hope this list inspires you to create your own, then act on it.  Life is full of moments that are just waiting to take our breath away, will you let it?