Feeling Helpless

As the caregiver, you want to make sure you have done everything possible to help with whatever is needed.  But, sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do and you find yourself feeling helpless.  With Tami, it was extremely important for her to maintain her weight, as she was already thin prior to her chemo treatments.  But, when someone has no appetite, or feels ill, most of the time, it was hard to find something that she would eat.  She knew that whatever she ate would probably increase her sick feeling, and either result in vomiting or diarrhea.  Neither of which any of us would consider fun.  To her, food was almost an enemy, but she needed it in order to sustain her health.  Different shakes were tried to increase her protein intake and give her much-needed nutrients.  In the last two weeks before she passed away, I could tell that she was not eating/drinking near enough to keep her body sustained.  I would offer everything I could think of that I knew she liked, and if she said yes to something, she would only take a couple of bites and say she was full.  The helpless feeling began to consume me, as I knew what would happen as a result of her not eating/drinking enough.  Like Tami, I had to look to my God, seek His purpose, understand His plan…not my own.

As the caregiver, you want to take the pain and suffering away.  But, you realize you can’t.  You might even contemplate how you could take this person’s place so they don’t have to suffer anymore.  Watching Tami live with pain for almost two years was so very difficult.  Pain meds didn’t work, ice didn’t work, nothing relieved her pain.  Where ever we went, we took ice packs for her to sit on.  She was not comfortable sitting, laying down, walking…it was so hard to watch and know there was nothing I could do.  The only One who can take away pain, is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ…and that is exactly what He did on November 19, 2010.  He reached down, took her broken, battered, ill, body home where she was given her new heavenly body…absolute perfection with no pain, no sorrow, no suffering, no blemishes, no illness, no nausea…

She was entirely healed.  Helpless turned into humbled rejoicing.  Humbled to have been given the opportunity to care for my best friend and all the lessons learned with her, and rejoicing that she was in heaven with her loving Lord and Savior.