Unexpected Loss & Overwhelming Grief

Today's post is kinda out of order because I am jumping to today.  I will pick back up where I left off in the next post, but today I need to talk about Loss and Grief.  We all knew that the cancer was progressing quickly and that Tami would soon go home to be with the Lord.  From what the doctors were saying, we were all looking at February.  We thought we had at least three more months with her.  Friday, November 19, 2010 was not expected to be the day she breathed her last, according to the world of medicine.  I am learning that is the day God decided she had suffered enough and wanted to bring her home to paradise.  It is not how we would have wanted it.  We wanted our three months.  We wanted Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We wanted more days to spend with her.  But, God wanted different.  Why did He want that day?  Why did she have to get sick at all?  Hadn't she suffered enough in this life?  It is so easy to get caught up in the unfairness of it all and become angry. Angry at God for allowing her to become ill.  Angry at doctors for being incompetent.  Angry at circumstances, because if there is only enough money, you can access the best care and treatment possible.  And finally, angry at God again for taking her out of this world.

I remember the weaker Tami got, she would ask me what was happening to her...why she could barely stand and hold her own weight.  We talked about her body not getting enough nutrition to function and organs shutting down.  By no means was it a fun conversation, but I think Tami knew early that week that it would be her last week.  She spent the rest of the week preparing each of us for what was about to happen.  I came home from work on the Wednesday and sat on her bed with her.  She looked so exhausted.  I grabbed her hand and told her if she was ready to let go and this is all too much for her, she could let go.  I told her we would all be ok, eventually and that she would be in my heart forever.  She said that I would be in hers and that she would be waiting for me.  I knew after that conversation that it would not be long.  I should have started to expect Friday, but didn't.  Friday was a bitter sweet day.  She was to suffer no more and spend eternity with her loving Lord, but we who are left behind must figure out how to go on each day with such a big hole in our lives.  That is the challenge.

I can't help at this point to look at back at Tami's incredible journey and how she faced each difficult day before her with hope, faith, trust, belief, and peace.  Our challenge is to face each day without her with the same hope, faith, trust, belief and peace she did.  Hope that things will turn out for the good for those who love Christ Jesus.  Faith in a sovereign loving God who knows us by name and knows how our story plays out and ends.  To Trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, but in ALL of our ways acknowledge HIM, and he WILL make our path straight.  Belief that God will keep his promises to us, to be our comfort, our guide, our shelter, our deliver, our rock.  And finally that we would allow, as Tami did, the Peace that passes all understanding to guard our hearts and our minds...that we would rest, be still and know that He is GOD!!!  That we won't get angry, we won't hold grudges, we won't be unforgiving, but follow in her incredible footsteps and be forgiving and let go of the anger.  This doesn't mean there won't be moments of sadness, moments of anger, moments of overwhelming loss and grief, but in those moments, if we do as Tami did, and give ourselves to our loving, faithful, comforting Father, He will meet us in our time of need.  "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine".


"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love". --Washington Irving